In a "Dear John" letter to staffers this Saturday, United Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek has broken up with Cleveland. "We have made the difficult decision to substantially reduce our flying from Cleveland," Smisek said. "We will make this reduction in stages beginning in April."
This is the airline equivalent of "I'm going to start boxing up my DVDs. Please don't hate me."
Smisek also said "Our hub in Cleveland hasn't been profitable for over a decade, and has generated tens of millions of dollars of annual losses in recent years. We simply cannot continue to bear these losses."
In Valentine's Day terms this translates into: "You know we haven't been sleeping together as much as before. I've been looking at Internet porn and dating your best friend on the side."
The airline will pull about 470 jobs from Cleveland and cut its flight schedule about 60 to 70 percent.
But we know that as soon as Cleveland has a couple of pints of Hagen Daz, tosses United's stuff on the sidewalk and bitches to her bestie, Chicago O'Hare, she'll get right back into her Blahniks and start dating again.